So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's like iHOP with fire
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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