The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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