You're so nebulous sometimes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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