the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
