It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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