Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
