it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
