oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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