dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
