So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
