This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
