Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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