Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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