ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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