I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i have two assholes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
