I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
