You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
