hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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