I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Even my vagina gasped.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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