There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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