glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
