mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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