I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
