i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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