Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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