Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
