How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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