Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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