U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
