this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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