don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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