Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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