I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
