you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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