Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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