I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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