I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize