And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
