I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
