I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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