i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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