Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize