My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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