i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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