Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
