I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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