hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
