dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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