I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize