If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
