omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
