he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
