its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
