So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
