She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
