Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize