he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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