My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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