Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
tell me about the fingering
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
