Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
