sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
