I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
