By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
