I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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