Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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