How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
