shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need moral support for this bender
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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