it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
