when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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