Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
