2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
