So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
